Questions to Ask a Veteran About Their Service

You want to ask about their service, but "how was the war?" feels wrong, and "what did you do?" feels impossibly broad. So you ask nothing. Another holiday passes without learning what those years were actually like for them.

This happens in families everywhere. Only 7% of Americans have served in the military, according to Pew Research. That means most of us have veterans in our lives whose experiences we don't understand (and don't know how to ask about).

These 70+ questions give you a way in. They're organized by phase of service, starting with easy entry points and moving toward deeper territory. Use them for family interviews, as conversation starters, or hand them to a veteran working through their own documentation.

How to Use These Questions

Start comfortable. Before-service questions and training questions are usually easier to discuss than combat or deployment questions. Let the veteran control the depth.

Let them lead. If they expand on something, follow that thread. If they give a short answer and move on, respect it.

Don't push. Some questions might get "I don't talk about that." That's a complete answer. Move on.

Write it down. If you're interviewing a veteran, take notes or record (with permission). Memory fades for everyone involved.

A guided journal like the Share Your Story Veteran organizes these same phases of service into prompts a veteran can answer on their own, at their own pace. Sometimes people will write things they'd never say out loud (private reflection captures what interviews can't).

Before Service

These questions establish context. Who was this person before the military shaped them?

1. Where did you grow up?
2. What was your life like before you joined?
3. What were you doing when you decided to enlist (or accept your commission)?
4. Why did you choose to join the military?
5. Why this branch specifically (Army), Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard?
6. Did anyone in your family serve before you?
7. What did your family think about your decision to join?
8. What did you think military life would be like?
9. What were you hoping to get out of your service?
10. Looking back, was the reality anything like what you expected?

Training and Early Days

Basic training is often a veteran's most vivid memory. The transformation from civilian to service member leaves marks.

11. Where did you go for basic training?
12. What was your first day like?
13. What surprised you most about basic training?
14. Was there a drill instructor or training NCO you remember clearly? What were they like?
15. What was the hardest part of training?
16. Was there a moment you weren't sure you'd make it through?
17. What helped you get through the difficult parts?
18. When did you start to feel like a soldier/sailor/marine/airman/guardian?
19. What was your MOS or rating? How did you end up in that specialty?
20. What was your graduation from basic training like?
21. What specialized training came after basic?
22. What skills did you learn that you still use today?

Duty Stations and Assignments

The average first-term enlistment runs 4-6 years, often across multiple duty stations. Each location shapes the experience differently.

23. Where were you stationed?
24. Which was your first duty station after training?
25. What was daily life like there?
26. What was your typical day or watch schedule?
27. Where did you live (barracks), on-base housing, off-base?
28. What was the best duty station you had? What made it good?
29. What was the most challenging assignment?
30. Did you ever serve overseas during peacetime? Where?
31. What did you do on weekends or during liberty?
32. What was the food like?
33. How did you stay in touch with family back home?
34. Were there local places near base that everyone went (bars), restaurants, hangouts?

Unit Life and Camaraderie

The bonds formed in military service are often impossible to explain to civilians. These questions try to capture them.

35. What was your unit like?
36. Who were the people you served with? Any characters you remember?
37. Who was your closest friend during your service?
38. Are you still in touch with anyone from your unit?
39. What was the sense of humor like in your unit?
40. Were there any nicknames (for you), for others, for the unit itself?
41. What traditions did your unit have?
42. How did you celebrate promotions, departures, or milestones?
43. What did you do to blow off steam?
44. Was there someone who took you under their wing when you were new?
45. What was the chain of command like (strict), relaxed, somewhere in between?
46. What's something only someone who served would understand?

Deployments and Service

These questions require sensitivity. Let the veteran decide how deep to go. Some will share everything. Others will share nothing. Both are valid.

47. Did you deploy? Where and when?
48. What was the mission of your unit?
49. What were living conditions like during deployment?
50. What was a typical day during deployment?
51. What was the hardest part of being deployed?
52. How did you stay connected with family during deployment?
53. Was there a moment that stands out (good or bad? 54). How did deployment change your perspective on things?
54. What do civilians not understand about deployment?
55. What were you most looking forward to when you came home?
56. Was there something that happened that you'd want your family to know about?
57. Is there something about your service you've never told anyone?

Note: If they don't want to discuss deployment or combat experiences, that's okay. Move to the next section.

Coming Home and Transition

The return to civilian life is its own experience (often more difficult than people expect).

59. What was coming home like?
60. What did you miss most about military life when you got out?
61. What were you glad to leave behind?
62. What was the hardest part of the transition to civilian life?
63. Did anything about the "real world" surprise you when you got out?
64. How long did it take to feel like a civilian again?
65. What skills from the military helped you after you got out?
66. Did your military experience affect your career choices?
67. How did your relationships change after you came home?
68. What do you wish civilians understood about veterans?

Looking Back

These questions invite reflection on the full arc of service.

69. What are you most proud of from your time in the military?
70. What would you do differently if you could?
71. What did military service teach you?
72. How did serving change you as a person?
73. Would you do it again, knowing what you know now?
74. What would you tell someone considering military service today?
75. What do you want your family to understand about your service?
76. What do you want to be remembered for?
77. Is there a lesson from your service that applies to life in general?
78. What does your service mean to you now?

Using These Questions for a Veteran Interview

If you're sitting down to formally interview a veteran in your family, here's a practical approach:

Before the interview:

• Review the questions and pick 10-15 most relevant to their service
• Test your recording equipment if you're using it
• Choose a comfortable, quiet location
• Set aside at least an hour (though you may go longer

During the interview:

• Start with the easy questions: before service), training
• Let them talk. Don't rush to the next question.
• If they mention something interesting, ask a follow-up
• Take notes on things you want to return to

After the interview:

• Thank them. This takes effort and vulnerability.
• Consider making a copy of the recording for the Library of Congress Veterans History Project
• Write down your own impressions while they're fresh

For veterans who prefer to document their own stories privately, the Share Your Story Veteran journal covers this same ground with 50+ military-specific prompts. Some veterans will write things they'd never say in an interview (the privacy of the page unlocks different memories).

For veterans who prefer to document their own stories, the Share Your Story Veteran journal provides a private, structured way to capture military memories.

Frequently Asked Questions

What if they don't want to talk about their service?

Respect it. Not every veteran wants to discuss their experience, and that's their right. You might try again another time, or offer a journal they can complete privately. Sometimes writing is easier than speaking.

Are some of these questions too personal?

Possibly, depending on the veteran. That's why they control the depth. Start with easier questions and let them decide how far to go. If they skip something, don't push.

Should I record the interview?

If they're comfortable with it, yes. Audio or video recordings capture tone and emotion that written notes can't. But some veterans speak more freely without a camera. Ask what they prefer.

What if I'm a veteran and want to use these for my own documentation?

These questions work perfectly as self-reflection prompts. Go through them with a journal and answer the ones that resonate. Skip the ones that don't. The Share Your Story Veteran journal is built around similar prompts.

How do I ask about combat or traumatic experiences?

Carefully, and only if they're willing. Frame it as optional: "Is there anything about deployment you'd want your family to know?" Let them decide what to share. If they deflect, move on.

What if they say they don't remember much?

Specific questions help. Instead of "what was basic training like?" try "do you remember your drill instructor's name?" Details trigger memories that general questions don't.